Something I use to ask and tell my daughter all the time when she was frustrated about various experiences “Did you do your best?” Sometimes she would say yes and other times I would have to help her examine where she could have pushed a little more. Then I would say “ As long as you did your best, do not beat yourself up because of what others think about you.”

I’m finding as an adult we have to encourage our own selves with some of the encouragement we would tell our children. I’ve also learned that you can’t make everyone happy and we should not let someone’s else’s view of you keep you from being happy.

I have also experienced in the worst ways where my zeal for life caused some people to take offense. In my head I would say, “If they only knew what I have experienced or am going through, they wouldn’t even try to stop me from being happy.”

Which leads me to want to encourage you to try not to let anyone stop you from being the best person you are. Some people haven’t explored who they are and what they have to offer that is wonderful to the world (Their superpower). They are just not your people and you will one day find your people even if you have to create the environment that makes others feel and embrace their own superpower.

In the end sometimes we must take our own advice. As long as we did our best, then that is all that matters.

#BeYou #lifelessons

You would be surprised at how many seniors in inner city communities are not going to college, or trade school just because they do not know how to complete the college application process or even call a school to obtain information. Basic life skills are not even present due to a lack of parent participation and school interventions, teachings etc. Basic life skills are lacking and some schools don’t care as long as they can throw the football, shoot the shot, win the track meet, hit the volley ball. In 2022 we have students telling us to our face I don’t have to go to class but I’m still going to my game tonight. Going to the game but not even able to obtain an academic scholarship because the failing classes. Most children were already behind before the pandemic and lost another 2 years during the pandemic because of inadequate internet to do their online classes. Teachers exhausted just passing kids because they don’t want them to be back in their class next year. Instagram and snap chat and all the other hip social media apps make it seem like life is all about sex, money, relationships, cars, drugs, and selling your soul just to be validated. Bullying is at an all time high where kids come to fight instead of learn.
Since I was a kid I always stated I wanted to be a Social Worker and give back to kids in the inner city communities. Today this is still my dream but the plight at hand is far more complex then I invisioned.
However, I’m never one to give up, take a break yes but when I truly believe in something or someone I will keep trying to improvement is made. I said all this to say take a look at your inner city community, every year high school seniors are graduating but where are they going next? Has anyone helped them fill out the FAFSA form? Taught them how to research schools in their field of interest. We are in a back to the basics world where we need boots on the ground so our generation Z in inner city communities have a fighting chance to succeed.
I never had the mentality to just worry about myself because I did not grow up that way. I had mentors that took myself and other inner city kids on college tours and ran programs that helped shift our mindsets to think better and be better. I was one of the knuckle heads but I made it out.♥️ Much love to the late Mr. Richard Fuller Sr. and The George Washington Carver located in Norwalk, CT. Fuller as we affectionately called him never gave up on us even if he had to yoke us ok me up in the hallways. 🥴
I refuse to believe that no matter how hard it is nowadays we just give up on kids. The system has to change and it starts with the front liners. As a Social Worker we abide by a code of ethics. We fight for those who can’t fight for themselves. I’ve have been trained a lot behind the scenes but I know now it’s for a time such as this.……….

I digress for now.

• Tasha♥️

Thinking out loud: These last few days I find myself smiling at the goodness of God. Along time ago when I begin in ministry I wanted to have the thirst and knowledge of God as my mom did. My mom the late Judith Yvonne McQuay was a woman of God who prayed, worshiped and studied the word of God day in and day out. Prayer, Praise and the Word of God was her weapon of warfare but also her zeal for learning the mysteries of God. Often times when I was being a teen I would come through the house and see my mom, either praying on her knees, singing while cooking chicken 🤣 because that’s all we ate chicken a million different ways 🤣 or she would be doing an in-depth study of the word with her Bible and notebooks. Hmm life is funny I said I wasn’t going back to school after Grad school and I do mean that from the depth of my soul! 🤣 However now my inquisitive, curiosity to go deeper in the knowledge of God – my mom’s spirit is on me and it’s sweet to be able to experience her in this way. I feel her mantle of praying, praising and learning the more of God on me. It’s more than surface God is so amazing but we can only know if we seek Him. ♥️🙏🏾🙌🏾

Let’s talk Trauma Recovery: Topic Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse definition

When someone repeatedly uses words to demean, frighten, or control someone, it’s considered verbal abuse.

You are not anyone’s verbal punching bag or physical punching bag. Right now I want to talk about verbal abuse. Anyone it doesn’t matter who it is that speaks to you in a way to hurt you, put you down, control you, humiliate you to gain control of you is being verbally abusive.

You have a right no matter WHO it is to not allow that person in your life. Those who have experienced verbal abuse, if they do not receive help for their own trauma experience they will repeat the pain they went through by being abusive to others. Be aware of how you feel when you around certain people. You have a right say no this is not working for me and I am putting a boundary for my peace and mental stability.
If the person does not want to get help especially after you have made them aware of how they treat you, then pray for them at a distance and set yourself free.

No one has a right to hurt you in any form of abuse.

For more information on types of abuse go to Psychologytoday.com

*special note to Trauma survivors. We have to be careful not to become abusers ourselves. We have to be careful not to put expectations on people especially those who are good for us by trying to control them. I know it’s easier to do to keep what feels good around but remember people have a right to be free, if they chose to be in your life it’s because they want to not because they have to. Embrace healthy relationships without controlling them.

Thoughts from the heart..

Here’s my heart Lord. I surrender it to you, my king, creator of me and all people, places and things.

So many times I’ve placed my heart in the hands of others to only have it manipulated, abused, and pierced with false love and acceptance.
Today, I surrender my heart to you, to show me what true untainted love feels like, for you to lead it into the places you want me to go.
Today I rest knowing my heart is in good hands because you are the the lover of my soul, you are my joy and peace.
Forgive me for every time I looked elsewhere for what only you can provide.

So here’s my heart Lord use it for your glory. ♥️

~Speaktash♥️

These were the words I heard from my Spiritual Mom last month when it came time for my parents death anniversary.  I’ve heard those words before but last month they became clearer than ever. With so many people passing away and being affected by COVID-19 it made my grieving more intensified.  For the last 20 years I have been running on auto pilot, you know going through the flow of life, work, church, taking care of my daughter and going to school.  I have managed my trauma all these years by keeping with the flow but also by doing the work with going to therapy and praying to God through out my journey to be free from the pain, that tugs at my heart especially during the times of my parents death anniversaries and birthdays.

I’ve finally learned that it’s ok to sit and feel whatever comes up during these times that matter to me the most.  I am now sharing with you as I have a new freedom of being ok with healing at the pace God wants me to heal.  I also wish if you have experienced any kind of loss such as death of a loved one, baby, friends etc. you too need to know “It’s okay to not be okay”.  We won’t live in that space forever but it is important to acknowledge your feelings as they arise.  I pray that you have or God sends you someone that will sit in that space with you  and allow you to go through your process of healing.  I also learned through the years not everyone will understand your process but know that you have a right to grieve.  You have a right to talk about what you went through as unresolved trauma will show up in your relationships, work life, marriage, etc.  Healing is the new normal and being that May is Mental Health Awareness Month… I am encouraging you to break the stigma.

Call a counselor, call a friend that won’t judge you but hear you, Pastor or whoever you feel comfortable with that can handle your truth, and talk about it.  Remember God is always with us.  He is our shepherd and he loves us unconditionally.  Know that you matter and I am praying for whoever may read this.  Peace and Blessings- Speak Tash

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd.  I have what I need. He lets me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside the quiet waters.  He renews my life; he leads me along the right paths  for his name sake.  Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger , for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord as long as I live.

Often in life when chaos, pain, grief or trials are happening, it may be hard to believe you are not alone.  There could be several people around you but due to the way you perceive in your mind that no one cares for you, it is hard to let anyone in.  It may feel easier or you may feel secure with just keeping whatever you are feeling to yourself.  I want you to know that I have been there through the death of my parents, friendship lost, and during trying times it was easier for me to go into isolation then to believe someone really wanted to know what I was going through.  I learned over time through praying, reading God’s word that he is always with me.  That he cares about what concerns me and that he is always waiting for me to come to him and share what’s on my heart.  I also learned that I do not have to fight whatever I am facing that is hard alone. 

You may be wondering well what helped you? I learned through God’s word about me that he loved me more than I could ever love myself.  I learned through prayer that his presence will always meet me when I come to him with a sincere heart open and ready to receive him.  I begin to understand through my relationship with God that he is always for me and that he would always be there to dry the tears, from grief, pain, and life’s trials and tribulations. 

I want the same for you, if you are in a space where you feel like why me? Why am I experiencing this or that, why won’t anyone listen?  I want you to allow yourself to unmask and free yourself from thinking your alone.  You are always on the mind of God.  No matter what you have gone through or what you are experiencing there is a freedom in knowing that God is concerned about what concerns you. You won’t always feel down and you can find peace by being in relationship with God and he will calm you in the storms of life. 

Below are scriptures I read repeatedly working my way through trauma and scriptures I still fall back on when I need to remember that I am always on the mind of God.  May you build your relationship with him even the more and remember you are loved always- SpeakTash

Psalm 23: 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 16:8 I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

TWO SIMPLE WORDS RIGHT?

To some hearing the words “You Matter” will come off as, “I know that already”, “I’m a king”, “I’m a queen” of course I matter.  For others, such as myself hearing those two “simple” words, use to and for some still sound like a foreign language.  Well, you may be saying to yourself everybody should know they matter or perhaps you maybe asking yourself why does it sound like a foreign language to me? ~lets talk about it…..

Many people were fortunate enough to grow up in an encouraging environment where they heard the words like “You Matter”, “You’re a star”, “You’re awesome”, You’re gorgeous”, or “You are handsome” from loving parents, aunty’s, uncles, grandparents etc.  They never had to grow up questioning who they are.  This was not everyone’s truth as some of us grew up in homes were trauma was present in various capacities.  Where validation of self-esteem was not always present due to domestic violence, no parents, drugs, alcohol, and loving words were scarce. Some of us did not know how to receive love because of being blinded by previous pain which hindered the healing process, so in reality the words “You Matter” did not or for some even hold value. Whatever your truth is, you have the power to change how you speak to yourself. 

When learning to heal as I have been and still growing and challenging myself to be free from all that was negative in my life.  It is important to change your perspective from negative to positive in order to rebuild your mind and heart.   Taking the time to tell yourself that you are beautiful, handsome, smart, creative, and loving are great words to validate yourself by so you do not look for validation from others.  We cannot change the past and what was not positive in it, but we can look to the future and take daily strides in learning that we are God’s masterpiece. We were created to shine, love and be vibrant in every way.  We were created to walk with our heads high and not despise are beginnings.   Lets continue or for some make a new conscious effort not to accept anything less than we deserve.   

Tips for healing: Therapy, Spiritual Counseling, Prayer, Reading God’s Word and Believing what he says about you!

Remember today and always that “YOU MATTER” -You are loved, You are Joy, You are Creative, You are wanted, and most importantly YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD!

~Love Always, SPEAK TASH