Thinking out loud: These last few days I find myself smiling at the goodness of God. Along time ago when I begin in ministry I wanted to have the thirst and knowledge of God as my mom did. My mom the late Judith Yvonne McQuay was a woman of God who prayed, worshiped and studied the word of God day in and day out. Prayer, Praise and the Word of God was her weapon of warfare but also her zeal for learning the mysteries of God. Often times when I was being a teen I would come through the house and see my mom, either praying on her knees, singing while cooking chicken 🤣 because that’s all we ate chicken a million different ways 🤣 or she would be doing an in-depth study of the word with her Bible and notebooks. Hmm life is funny I said I wasn’t going back to school after Grad school and I do mean that from the depth of my soul! 🤣 However now my inquisitive, curiosity to go deeper in the knowledge of God – my mom’s spirit is on me and it’s sweet to be able to experience her in this way. I feel her mantle of praying, praising and learning the more of God on me. It’s more than surface God is so amazing but we can only know if we seek Him. ♥️🙏🏾🙌🏾
Let’s talk Trauma Recovery: Topic Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse definition
When someone repeatedly uses words to demean, frighten, or control someone, it’s considered verbal abuse.
You are not anyone’s verbal punching bag or physical punching bag. Right now I want to talk about verbal abuse. Anyone it doesn’t matter who it is that speaks to you in a way to hurt you, put you down, control you, humiliate you to gain control of you is being verbally abusive.
You have a right no matter WHO it is to not allow that person in your life. Those who have experienced verbal abuse, if they do not receive help for their own trauma experience they will repeat the pain they went through by being abusive to others. Be aware of how you feel when you around certain people. You have a right say no this is not working for me and I am putting a boundary for my peace and mental stability.
If the person does not want to get help especially after you have made them aware of how they treat you, then pray for them at a distance and set yourself free.
No one has a right to hurt you in any form of abuse.
For more information on types of abuse go to Psychologytoday.com
*special note to Trauma survivors. We have to be careful not to become abusers ourselves. We have to be careful not to put expectations on people especially those who are good for us by trying to control them. I know it’s easier to do to keep what feels good around but remember people have a right to be free, if they chose to be in your life it’s because they want to not because they have to. Embrace healthy relationships without controlling them.
Thoughts from the heart..
Here’s my heart Lord. I surrender it to you, my king, creator of me and all people, places and things.
So many times I’ve placed my heart in the hands of others to only have it manipulated, abused, and pierced with false love and acceptance.
Today, I surrender my heart to you, to show me what true untainted love feels like, for you to lead it into the places you want me to go.
Today I rest knowing my heart is in good hands because you are the the lover of my soul, you are my joy and peace.
Forgive me for every time I looked elsewhere for what only you can provide.
So here’s my heart Lord use it for your glory. ♥️
These were the words I heard from my Spiritual Mom last month when it came time for my parents death anniversary. I’ve heard those words before but last month they became clearer than ever. With so many people passing away and being affected by COVID-19 it made my grieving more intensified. For the last 20 years I have been running on auto pilot, you know going through the flow of life, work, church, taking care of my daughter and going to school. I have managed my trauma all these years by keeping with the flow but also by doing the work with going to therapy and praying to God through out my journey to be free from the pain, that tugs at my heart especially during the times of my parents death anniversaries and birthdays.
I’ve finally learned that it’s ok to sit and feel whatever comes up during these times that matter to me the most. I am now sharing with you as I have a new freedom of being ok with healing at the pace God wants me to heal. I also wish if you have experienced any kind of loss such as death of a loved one, baby, friends etc. you too need to know “It’s okay to not be okay”. We won’t live in that space forever but it is important to acknowledge your feelings as they arise. I pray that you have or God sends you someone that will sit in that space with you and allow you to go through your process of healing. I also learned through the years not everyone will understand your process but know that you have a right to grieve. You have a right to talk about what you went through as unresolved trauma will show up in your relationships, work life, marriage, etc. Healing is the new normal and being that May is Mental Health Awareness Month… I am encouraging you to break the stigma.
Call a counselor, call a friend that won’t judge you but hear you, Pastor or whoever you feel comfortable with that can handle your truth, and talk about it. Remember God is always with us. He is our shepherd and he loves us unconditionally. Know that you matter and I am praying for whoever may read this. Peace and Blessings- Speak Tash
The Lord is my shepherd. I have what I need. He lets me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside the quiet waters. He renews my life; he leads me along the right paths for his name sake. Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger , for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord as long as I live.
Often in life when chaos, pain, grief or trials are happening, it may be hard to believe you are not alone. There could be several people around you but due to the way you perceive in your mind that no one cares for you, it is hard to let anyone in. It may feel easier or you may feel secure with just keeping whatever you are feeling to yourself. I want you to know that I have been there through the death of my parents, friendship lost, and during trying times it was easier for me to go into isolation then to believe someone really wanted to know what I was going through. I learned over time through praying, reading God’s word that he is always with me. That he cares about what concerns me and that he is always waiting for me to come to him and share what’s on my heart. I also learned that I do not have to fight whatever I am facing that is hard alone.
You may be wondering well what helped you? I learned through God’s word about me that he loved me more than I could ever love myself. I learned through prayer that his presence will always meet me when I come to him with a sincere heart open and ready to receive him. I begin to understand through my relationship with God that he is always for me and that he would always be there to dry the tears, from grief, pain, and life’s trials and tribulations.
I want the same for you, if you are in a space where you feel like why me? Why am I experiencing this or that, why won’t anyone listen? I want you to allow yourself to unmask and free yourself from thinking your alone. You are always on the mind of God. No matter what you have gone through or what you are experiencing there is a freedom in knowing that God is concerned about what concerns you. You won’t always feel down and you can find peace by being in relationship with God and he will calm you in the storms of life.
Below are scriptures I read repeatedly working my way through trauma and scriptures I still fall back on when I need to remember that I am always on the mind of God. May you build your relationship with him even the more and remember you are loved always- SpeakTash
Psalm 23: 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 16:8 I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
TWO SIMPLE WORDS RIGHT?
To some hearing the words “You Matter” will come off as, “I know that already”, “I’m a king”, “I’m a queen” of course I matter. For others, such as myself hearing those two “simple” words, use to and for some still sound like a foreign language. Well, you may be saying to yourself everybody should know they matter or perhaps you maybe asking yourself why does it sound like a foreign language to me? ~lets talk about it…..
Many people were fortunate enough to grow up in an encouraging environment where they heard the words like “You Matter”, “You’re a star”, “You’re awesome”, You’re gorgeous”, or “You are handsome” from loving parents, aunty’s, uncles, grandparents etc. They never had to grow up questioning who they are. This was not everyone’s truth as some of us grew up in homes were trauma was present in various capacities. Where validation of self-esteem was not always present due to domestic violence, no parents, drugs, alcohol, and loving words were scarce. Some of us did not know how to receive love because of being blinded by previous pain which hindered the healing process, so in reality the words “You Matter” did not or for some even hold value. Whatever your truth is, you have the power to change how you speak to yourself.
When learning to heal as I have been and still growing and challenging myself to be free from all that was negative in my life. It is important to change your perspective from negative to positive in order to rebuild your mind and heart. Taking the time to tell yourself that you are beautiful, handsome, smart, creative, and loving are great words to validate yourself by so you do not look for validation from others. We cannot change the past and what was not positive in it, but we can look to the future and take daily strides in learning that we are God’s masterpiece. We were created to shine, love and be vibrant in every way. We were created to walk with our heads high and not despise are beginnings. Lets continue or for some make a new conscious effort not to accept anything less than we deserve.
Tips for healing: Therapy, Spiritual Counseling, Prayer, Reading God’s Word and Believing what he says about you!
Remember today and always that “YOU MATTER” -You are loved, You are Joy, You are Creative, You are wanted, and most importantly YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD!
~Love Always, SPEAK TASH
Hello, welcome to my new blog #SPEAKTASH. My name is Natasha Kelley and I am a woman of God originally from Connecticut now living in the big state of Texas. I am a single mom who has had many experiences over my 38 years of living. I want to take you on a journey with me as I share through different stories and revelations on how I went from a life of TRAUMA to FREEDOM and still growing :). I will be sharing stories on how I went from trials in my teenage years, parental loss, to striving for success in education. I will share how living a Christian life in my adult years has help shape me into the woman I am today. I am sure my page will have something for you to glean from. I consider myself an encourager, mind shifter and change agent. I have a heart to help others who may believe they do not matter because of what they have experienced in life. I also believe we have the ability to rise, push and birth our win..if we try.
I pray that you will embark on this journey with me as I share content to help push you to your next level or just encourage your heart and mind. This will be a space where you can take off your mask and allow healing to flow so you can flourish.
Love Always~ Speak Tash
Follow me on Instagram @speaktash and on my Facebook page SPEAK TASH for moments of prayer, encouragement, laughs and love. If I said something that speaks to you please leave a comment or drop a #SPEAKTASH below.