These were the words I heard from my Spiritual Mom last month when it came time for my parents death anniversary. I’ve heard those words before but last month they became clearer than ever. With so many people passing away and being affected by COVID-19 it made my grieving more intensified. For the last 20 years I have been running on auto pilot, you know going through the flow of life, work, church, taking care of my daughter and going to school. I have managed my trauma all these years by keeping with the flow but also by doing the work with going to therapy and praying to God through out my journey to be free from the pain, that tugs at my heart especially during the times of my parents death anniversaries and birthdays.
I’ve finally learned that it’s ok to sit and feel whatever comes up during these times that matter to me the most. I am now sharing with you as I have a new freedom of being ok with healing at the pace God wants me to heal. I also wish if you have experienced any kind of loss such as death of a loved one, baby, friends etc. you too need to know “It’s okay to not be okay”. We won’t live in that space forever but it is important to acknowledge your feelings as they arise. I pray that you have or God sends you someone that will sit in that space with you and allow you to go through your process of healing. I also learned through the years not everyone will understand your process but know that you have a right to grieve. You have a right to talk about what you went through as unresolved trauma will show up in your relationships, work life, marriage, etc. Healing is the new normal and being that May is Mental Health Awareness Month… I am encouraging you to break the stigma.
Call a counselor, call a friend that won’t judge you but hear you, Pastor or whoever you feel comfortable with that can handle your truth, and talk about it. Remember God is always with us. He is our shepherd and he loves us unconditionally. Know that you matter and I am praying for whoever may read this. Peace and Blessings- Speak Tash
The Lord is my shepherd. I have what I need. He lets me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside the quiet waters. He renews my life; he leads me along the right paths for his name sake. Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger , for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord as long as I live.